1. Make plans, and don't break them. It's so easy to write on a friends wall "Hey let's get lunch this week!" or text them and say "We should totally hang out soon!" But the truth is, vague invitations like this are a cop out. It makes you feel like you're making an effort to hang out with someone, but it makes them feel like you're just trying to let them know you are still there, but that you don't have time for them. So, instead of being so vague, ask a specific question and make plans. For instance, say "I'm free Thursday around 1:00! Want to get lunch on campus?" or maybe "My Wednesday night is free and I'm thinking two for one margaritas at Applebees!" Whatever time you have to give, it shows that you really do want to hang out. Of course, it won't always work out for the best. Sometimes they have plans that don't match up with your schedule, so you may have to keep trying before you find something that works. But when you DO find something that works, it's important to KEEP YOUR PLANS. The worst thing you can do is make plans and then send a text a couple hours before you're supposed to meet up with some lame excuse as to why you can't make it. Things come up, that's true, but if you make plans with a friend and then get a homework assignment, you'll just have to figure out a different time to do it or cut the visit with your friend a little shorter than you planned. At least if you show up and explain the situation, they know you wanted to see them so much that you made a sacrifice. Overall, it's better to make specific plans and keep them - everyone will be happy! :)
2. Don't forget! A lot of times, we make plans with so many people that we may have to be two places at once. To avoid this, put your social times in your planner just like the rest of your daily tasks. For instance, I may have written in my planner "Quiz 2 due, work for K92FM 9am - 1pm, pay electricity, hang out with Stacy after homework is done." This helps SO much because then if someone asks me to hang out on that night, I check my planner and see I already have plans with someone else. Like I said before, the worst thing you can do is cancel plans. So make sure you don't overbook!
3. Make the time. So far, I've given you some tips on making plans and keeping them, but how do you find the time to make the plans in the first place? Well, it takes sacrifice. Sometimes (or most of the time, depending on how you are) you probably want to just go home on a free night and collapse on your couch so you can dive into an endless marathon of Grey's Anatomy and eat everything in your fridge. But instead of that, make plans with a friend to do something similar. If you know you have a busy day on Tuesday but you have the evening off and only a small homework assignment due the next day, ask a friend to come hang out and watch TV or a movie. You can get junk food and make a fun night of it, and you'll still have time to do your homework assignment rather than if you chose to go out to a bar. However, if you have a full night off and you feel like you haven't been out in a while, treat yourself. IT'S OKAY to go out every now and then and enjoy life, especially if you're in college. It only happens once, and it's so important to make the most of it while you're there. So take a look at what you have to do for the week, PRIORITIZE, and then figure out who you want to hang out with and when you can fit them in. It may seem silly scheduling time with friends, but if you don't make an effort, you may soon realize that someone you used to be so close with doesn't know anything about you anymore.
4. Don't bring them down. When you do hang out with your friends, you may find your mind wandering to other things you have to do once you go back home. It's important that you drop all your concerns and focus on being in the moment with your friends. Have a good time with them and don't overwhelm them with all the things you have to do when the two of you split up, because most likely you're going to make them feel like they're holding you back and you'd rather be somewhere else. So make an effort to leave all the stress and "To Do" items in the back of your mind, even if it is only for a few hours.
5. If you really don't have the time, pick up the phone and be honest. It happens. Sometimes, we have "Hell Weeks" and we honestly can't make time for anything or anyone. If that happens, pick up the phone and give your friends a call. You can do this while you're doing other things, for instance, while you're taking a study break, doing homework, cooking dinner, driving home, or walking your dog. We are so addicted to texting because it's fast and easy, but the sad thing is, it's also very impersonal. If you pick up the phone and make an effort to ask how your friend is, they'll appreciate it a lot more. You also have the time to tell them everything that's going on in your "Hell Week," which is a good vent for you and lets them know why you can't hang out. You can always follow up with "I can't wait til it's over so we can have another movie night!" The point is, you DO care about your friends, so make sure they understand that and you show it clearly.
These are just a few pointers if you're feeling overwhelmed and like your friends are feeling ignored. Trust me, there isn't enough space on this blog to tell you all how many times I've had friends upset with me for not making enough time for them. I've learned more in this past year about how important it is to make time, even if it is just a lunch date. I hope you found this helpful, and I'm sure after you get started, you'll find that you had more time than you thought for friends. And believe me, if there's one thing that I've learned, it's that friends and family are what make this life worth living. <3
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